apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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