He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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