If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
