I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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