Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
