Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
