Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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