You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
