I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
