Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Houston, we have a squirter
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
