Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
