sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
