Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
