Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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