you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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