too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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