My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
