just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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