Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
