i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
