So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
