did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
