So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
