I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
