Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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