Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
