I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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