Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
worst night to have a conscience
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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