I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
