: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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