Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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