you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
