pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
