So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
