Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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