Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
