I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
