There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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