hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
