Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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