yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
