There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
