the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
