jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
