the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
