M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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