Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
