My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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