What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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