Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
