i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
