Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
