Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
