i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Holy shit dude........stairs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
