I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
