He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wish there were birth control emojis
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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