I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
