We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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