Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
