I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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