Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
