I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
